笑话 Jokes(1)

                                              《一》学话

                                   learn speaking

There is a mother, she has a child can not speak .

One day, the mother told her child:“kid，you go out to learn speaking.

When you get a expression, pay the people who tell you 100 yuan.”

In front of a house, a landlord said to a renter: “Give me 100 yuan .”

He learned the word and gave the person 100 yuan !

He went to a factory, a worker said: "The house is going to collapse!"

He learned the word and gave the person 100 yuan, too.

Then he went to a farm, a boar and a sow escaped.

A farmer shouted: "where are you running ?

He gave the farmer 100 yuan!

He came to an alley, saw a little child clouting a big kid.

"If you beat again, I will not give you candy!" The person who was beaten said.

When he back home, his mother asked: "Did you learn a few words?”

“Give me 100 yuan ! ”The boy said.

“But, why?” Asked mom.

"The house is going to collapse!" Said the boy.

His dad and mom sounded and rushed out immediately.

“A boar and a sow were escaping” Shouted the boy.

His mother came back to beat him.

"If you beat again, I will not give you candy!" The boy said.

      《二》 坐火车　



   汤姆正坐在去华盛顿的一列火车上车厢内只有他一个人。当列车在一个车站靠站时，车门打开，上来一个大汉，用刀抵住汤姆的颈部威吓道：“要钱还是要命？”
       汤姆吓的浑身抖抖索索地回答：“我身上一分钱也没有。”
       大汉恶狠狠地问：“那你为什么发抖？”
       汤姆哭丧着脸说：“我以为你是检票员。”

                                               By Train

Tom was sitting in a train to Washington , and inside thre was only a person.---himself. When the train stayed at a station, the door was opened. There came a strong man, whose knife pointed at Tom’s neck and threated :“Money or life?” Tom was trembling. He was scared to answer:“There is not a pence.”
The man fixed Tom with a decidedly hostile look, then asked: "Why are you shaking?"
Tom pulled a long face and said: "I thought you were the tellers." 
 

                                            《三》给妈妈的礼物

     妈妈今天过生日，两个孩子要她卧床休息。她闻到从厨房飘出阵阵诱人的肉香，高兴地等着孩子们给她端来早餐。
       可是，过了一会，孩子们叫她起床，她出来一瞧，只见两个孩子坐在餐桌旁，每人面前放着一大盘火腿蛋。一个孩子对她说：“这就是我们送给您的礼物——我们给自己做饭了。”


                                         Gifts for mother
Today is mother’s birthday. Her two children let her lee down to rest. An enticing meat smell came from the kitchen. The mother was happy to wait for her children to bring her breakfast. However, after a while, the children told her to get up. She came out and saw two children sitting at the table. Each of them ,there placed a dish of ham and eggs in front. One child said to her:“Here is the gift for you from us ---we made meals ourseves”