Chinese Hospitality中国人的待客之道

A：I was invited to a traditional Beijing household for dinner once. It was an eye-opening experience. The girl who invited me was my colleague. Her father was over 60 years old. He didn’t eat much but was constantly proposing a toast. His wife was busy cooking in the kitchen all the time. I asked her to join us but her husband said “No, she doesn’t.” After dinner, I asked my colleague why her father didn’t eat much and why her mother didn’t join us. She said that was an old tradition. Her father was there to keep me company because I was a guest of honor and usually women did not eat with the guests.

B：I had a similar experience too. I always feel spoiled to be a guest in a Chinese household. The host usually prepares a sumptuous meal. The kids are sent to the neighbors so the guests can have a peaceful meal. Usually, they would start preparing for our visit days ahead. Even though there would be a lot of food on the table, the host would still say “We don’t have much, so please bear with us.” They keep putting food on my plate despite the fact I may not like certain food. I usually feel very embarrassed. Some hosts even force their children to perform a song or recite a poem for me.

A：That is Chinese hospitality. People want to bring out their best food to welcome the guests. Westerners are different. They don’t stay in the kitchen when the guests have arrived. They want to socialize with the guests rather than simply showing hospitality.

B：Chinese people are very friendly and always ready to treat their guests with the best things they have. But this hospitality may cause inconvenience to both the guests and the hosts themselves. An American said in a book over 100 years ago that Chinese hospitality is meant to show the politeness of the host rather than keeping the guest happy. The host may insist on starting a fire so he can make tea for the guest, despite the fact that the guest may be irritated by the smoke. At least the host gives the impression that he is very hospitable.

A：That was over 100 years ago. Things are different now. More and more people prefer a relaxed atmosphere rather than showing hospitality just for the sake of it. But there are exceptions. I went to visit a fairly affluent village in southern China last year. The host was asked to make a special tea for us. She was very friendly, but when she finished making the tea she charged each of us 10 yuan for the treat. As a result of the economic growth people have become money conscious. Although you may not feel comfortable with the traditional hospitality, it could disappear any time.

B：Shall I feel lucky or sorry then?

A：我曾到一个老北京家里做客，可真是开了眼了。请客的是这家的女儿，她是我的同事。她的父亲六十多岁，作为主人，他在饭桌上几乎没吃什么，只是隔一会儿就端起酒杯劝酒。他的太太一直在厨房里忙着。我们招呼她一起吃，同事的父亲说“她不上桌”。告辞出来，我问同事为什么她父亲几乎不吃东西，而她母亲一直不加入我们。她说这是老礼数。她父亲把我们当作贵客所以要陪酒，而女人一般是不和客人同桌的。 

B：我也有过同样的经历。到中国人家里做客总感觉他们招待得很隆重：上一大桌菜，小孩子被赶到邻居家，以便客人吃得尽兴。请一次客得提前几天做准备。既便做了一大桌菜，他们还是说：“没什么东西，凑合吃吧。”还不停地为你布菜，不管你是不是爱吃。这让我觉得很尴尬。有些人家还逼着孩子给客人表演唱歌，或者背诗。
A：这就是中国人的待客之道：把最好的东西拿出来招待客人。西方人并不如此。他们不会在客人到来后还在厨房中忙碌，他们的目的是交流而不是表现待客的热情。

B：中国人非常友好，所以才会用最好的东西招待客人。但这样一来，家人跟着受累，客人也不自在。一百多年前，一位美国人在他的书中写道：中国人待人热情的目的通常是为了表现自己懂礼节，而并非想使客人满意。主人执意生火为客人沏茶，而不在乎客人是否被烟呛着，因为他至少树立了待客有礼的形象。

A：这是一百年前的情形，现在有所不同。更多的人已经懂得，自在随意比过分礼貌要好得多。也有例外：去年，我到一个富裕的南方村庄去采访，请主人给我们一杯当地特有的茶。她热情地为我们上了茶，然后向我们每位收了10元钱作为服务的报偿。经济发展了，中国人也有了金钱意识。你不适应传统的待客之道，它也许很快就不复存在了。
B：我该为此庆幸还是遗憾呢？